~utterly pathetic~

Sounds like some shitty attention whore kinda of title, no?

well, i think it does sound like one too. but it's how i've truly been feeling these couple of passing days. Miserable.  You know like how those pups in the pounds look like e.e yeah. lol; Fawk, i don't even know why i'm feeling this depressed. It hasn't been awhile since i've felt this way i've always had slight depression in me.

( baha. born Emo. xD )

But the feeling sucks. Even when nothing truly bad's happened. It's like my mind is totally instilled to negati-fy, ( fuck yeah,  i made mah own word, bitch )

everything that happens around. stuff that even cause me the slightest sanity, it just turns into this whole fucking whirlpool of misery and depression.  Fawkin mood swings, yeah ;D

It just really is truly, honestly a horrible horrible feeling to the point where i felt i've literally died. Or some shit. Or i'm about to and everthing around just looks dark again. Like, the sun, is a lie. 

Lol.

i'm soooo poeetically pathetic.

This part i truly hate about myself. I'm too much of a pessimist sometimes to let some stuff fly by. My pessimistic point of view literally chains me down on words and promises. Therefore putting up way toooo high an expectation to the point where i end up cluelessly lost in my own sub-cautious. My, oh my. when will this stop :( 

I feel like i haven't done anything useful in my life. And when i want to. i get lazy. LOL.  

exhibit "A"? my art project. which i think i'll just complete tonight since i just chugged down on caffine non stop today. like. malta. coke. coffee. tea. O_O and milk that would prolly give me a bad tummy ache tomorrow. i'm becoming lactose intolerant L0L. 

I would have level upped myself in Dragon Nest. 

but laziness comes pissing down on me. 

LOl. 

In fucking, fact.  i have no whatsoever confidence and i don't know. i find myself whiny and depressing. I hardly even find myself a bundle of laughter when my friends tell me so. i feel like a bundle of shitty depresso. ( depression + espresso )

do the math ;D

okay, then that would be a cup. 

MOVING ON.

i forgotten what i was supposed to type. damnit. i'm just gonna sit here thinking and randomly typing until i remember, and at the same time, procrastinate. the mindset " i just remembered what i was gonna type " , always. ALWAYS. is a, shit i'm gonna forget sign/ LOL.

oh, okay. i remembee now. i'm too much of a pessimist and i hate myself so much and i've literally for some random reason lost my self confidence into a dark oblivion and i'm very very lost at the moment that i literally do cry for no reason. even typing this. Holy Bananas. 

I feel hopeless. 

Lost to the point, i don't know who i have or don't have anymore : ( who i am or who i'm supposed to be. who the fuckin hell am i?!

Anywho, up to the updates, i got 3 bite marks from my puppy, she's got really sharp teeth yo! D: and she's only like 2 months, and yes, i bled. but it's just tiny holes XD wait till she grows up >: )

and 

My hair is red now C: not all of it, just the front, like last year's green, but is' red. 

I'm a total Christmas Tree. 

LOL.

till the next time,

fair winds :3

~♥~

~So Lost~

It's been how i've been feeling, the whole week to be honest. It's quite a confusing feeling. For awhile, i didn't, and i still don't really know who i am. Lol that's so blonde but..

I fell like i've suddenly lost a few/couple of plugs or wires, and myself in the process of try and failing to reconnect with my mind and inner "ZEN"

Am currently  dyeing my hair. the proccess?? really. fucking stinks. No shit. The smell stink like, ammonia, cause, it is. Lol. and it actually kinda burns my eye a bit. damn you cheap dye. But the colours always come out pretty rad... when will the actual good shit land here? D: 

my life would be complete!!!! 

well, almost. LOL.

Lol i'd prolly have hair like the pictures bellow a LONG LONG time ago.. and, if the school allowed.. LOLOL

haha. yeah. i love hair. MUAHA.HA.HAH.A i'm a fanatic. Q_Q

till the next time :)

fair winds !

:3 moar pickies <3 with ma lova <3

~can never get tired of nyaaaaaaaaaaa~ people say we're too young. too fast. But they dont know ;3 loving him, so so very much :3 first three photos taken at the airport. cried like a maddy >///<

~8 months, 4 days~

forever to go.

mhuax <3

till then, 

fair winds :3

So.
Tis' been a really long time since i blogged, cause i've been having exams Q_Q FML. we should stop examinations, and save paper. SAVE THE FUCKING TREES! lol, and i also, just came back from camp C: a ton of events happened, some fun,some utterly creepy. Though, met lotsa really cool people there :3 and managed to spend time with my friends and just "ilek" <-- relax. Lmfao. It's pree nice to be away from home some times, to be honest. but wherever we are, home's still HOME. <-- notcied the CAPS there? Lul.

D'aww. Though it's only been a week and three days. i've been missing my boyy like a mad person : /   i miss his hug. his kisses. touching his face. hugs. cuddles. :'( i literally am tearing up and blogging about this, really. i can't wait for the next time i see him C: <3 ~~~ octo ~~~  thats... 5 more months down the road. Ah well. it's gon' be worth the wait <3

Till the next time,Fair winds ;D

Finally! :D 

i get to upload pictures again :3 had to go through a fucking load, just to... tbh. =_=

mygosh. anyways, these are the new pictures i've taken C: 

maybe they aren't exactly.. "new" but, new as in i finally i updated my blog, kind of new :3 it's around.. 8:34 and missing my boyfriend. >< i feel obsessed. lol. dang <3 aaaanyways, i'm gonna dye by hair soon! cause it's like, the holidays and i've got 2 weeks :3 hopefully the school doesn't freak out when i go back for practice. or anything cause I'll be well .blogging about my anger LOL. Nothing overly interesting has happened yet. YET. and if it is, i only hope it's something good. well. lemme see, my ex is coming back after like 2 years and i'm betting he's coming back a changed person, as in he prolly already forgotten we ever happened. -complicated story- :3 anways. LOL. i'd soo blog about tomorrow, but, i can't. cause its a surprise i'm saving for my friend and, the next blog :3 so to finish off today's blog. i'm just gonna post random pictures,

HAVE FAITH !

LOL i love how my eyes are different colours here, i feel like. a mutant. or some sort. MUAHAHA. 

*clipped up hair* 

Yeah.. i'd love a tattoo there :3

hipster-style photos, baby!! ;DD

featheryy <3

AHOYY THERE!! :D

~~ so very in love with mark jeremy essa :3 <3 ~~

There is no such thing as a long-distance relationship, as long as two hearts are close <3 i'll forever be in love with you :3 and i know you'll read this, one way, or, another, and be blushing behind the com :3 i can't wait to see my baby boy again, and i would fly over if i could. cause thats how much mi lovie means to me :3 i would even go by feet then, ferry then feet, but my parents would go hysterical if i did Q__Q but i dont wanna care cause i be lovin too much <3 anything for you my love :3 <3 Made it through 8 months. Fo'ever to go now :3 i'ma be yo shawty fo' life :3

~bulletin~ 

OOHH!!!i got a new puppy, btw :3 but. no one, no puppy, no dog, can ever replace my Crystal. R.I.P :'( 

~ gonna dye my hair soon~  

~goin crazy without my boo~   

Till lates,

FairWinds!

Tis been a long time since i blogged, no ? :D just. gonna randomly put pictures up on this one i guess.
Well for now some problems, cleared.
Though this week+ has been pretty damn hectic and messed up, like my dog passing away :'{ R.I.P crystal, i love her so much :( In fact i totally regret not spending enough time with her. Full of regrets, really. i just hope she's had a good life with me, and she's in a better place right now :<
and mi lovie be leaving for uni soon > <  i'ma miss him so much D: though. i'll be takin pics :B so i can perv on him. muaha.ha.ha. ha.ha.
if only i could fly there D: maybe only after SPM. I'll be dying to see him the second he steps into the terminal >< And i'll be hoping and wishing i'll be able to go see him during the 2-weeks holiday >< PRAY FOR ME? :D

hopefully. i can.  damn you SPM. DAMN YOU. Q~Q

VANEY IS PISSED!!

no shit. i truly, from the bottom of my cold bottomless heart you bet i fucking am.
okay not that, pissed :P just dis-believably disappointed, at the female gender.
why, the hell do girls flirt, when they know some dudes, are fucking taken?!!?!?!?!?  AS IF IT WASN'T CLEAR ENOUGH ON M*****F*****G FACEBOOK?! and the worse ones are the ones who KNOW in real life. the air of distrust just floats around like a high smoke, pleasurably USELESS.  okay i guess i do sound pissed.. The fact that, i'm smiled at to yeah but then i turn my head a second and BAM  a fucking volcano of flirtation errupts =__=
sluts who flirst excessively should be persecuted and exiled from the face of this earth..


therefore,


Dear girls who just love flirting, CONTROL YOUR HORMONES!!!!
Sincerely,
you know very well my man is taken.